jeffery saunder

  • Successful Couples will help you to:

    Understand the attachment (or childhood programming) styles that dictate how you relate as an adult.

    Learn about the dynamic you are likely to have been in by the time the relationship gets to feel wobbly. The Control Drama Triangle describes the dynamics of relationships where the ego

     battle rages because the underlying attachment style dynamics are not known.

    These chapters describe behaviours that are considered abusive. Abusive behaviours must be seen as such, owned, and put to bed through insight and awareness. No relationship can survive one person feeling abused.

    Similarly, addictions undermine good relating because they dictate the relationship dynamics in ways which make it difficult to be healthy and mutually supportive.

    Understand and appreciate that although the two of you may be different, this is not a recipe for disaster. It is however a recipe for work on the relationship, work everyone has to do because all couples are different.

    Explore the specific behaviours peculiar to your attachment style, and why those patterns may at times be strengths, and at times be a weakness when you are operating as a couple.

    Get to see that the differences and ego battle which arises because of them can be worked with once they are understood and accommodated in the way you both relate.

    Recognise that there are some patterns in relationship that are not explained by attachment styles. These can be understood and then worked with, once again recognising, honouring and discovering ways to meet half way with each other.

    Develop missing skills, from effective listening, to effective self-management when your emotions get triggered.

    Understand that no-one can be made to feel anything. Every reaction has its roots in childhood or trauma. These roots, and the manner of reactivity must be seen, owned and worked with in order that childhood does not still dictate the terms of your adult behaviours.

    Discover your love language, essential for expressing affection in a relationship.

    Discover your emotional sequencing, essential if you are to understand the emotions you experience, what triggers them, and what to do about that.

    Come to appreciate the strategies that successful couples employ as a matter of course that creates the glue in a happy relationship.